Its happening again.

I'm always second best to her and i always will be. No matter how different i try to make myself to her i still seem to be in her overpoweringly large shadow.
Still i feel paranoid but atleast now i get some comfort with DD <3 she is the only person that i can talk to and not feel lie total crap around, she is the nicest, kindest, most caring person I have ever met and i don't think that i will ever find anyone as great as her in my life.
Thank you for being my shoulder D, i feel like no one else wants to be anymore.

Z x

My life is still as crappy as usual (Y)

I have a party tomorrow, i'm getting my hair done how i've wanted it for months now, and yet still I can't help but be in an incurable bad mood. I've tried everything, i just can't get happy and i feel like utter crap all the time, i got my grades today, they didn't help my mood.I get above my target grade but still get told i'm underachieving, where the fuck is the logic in that?
I've tried so hard to be a good student, a good daughter and most of all be good to myself but still whenever no ones around i find myself moping and comfort eating, how can i get out of this fucking rut when it's just so much easier to fall back into old routines?
i've got a feeling that my 'best friend' hates me, she never talks to me anymore and i feel like she is just deliberately avoiding me now, and whenever we do talk i can't tell her anything, i'll confess something that's been killing me on the inside and she'll laugh. She will laugh to my fucking face, she probably does the same behind my back too.
Am i paranoid? possibly. but it can't just be in my head, i'm not fucking crazy, at most i'm borderline depressed. whoopdefuckingdo, someone get me out of here before i do something i will seriously regret.

Z x